These are things that I have posted to the internet. I don't think I have stolen any of them, but if I have, I must have done it so brilliantly that I even convinced myself that I came up with them!
Welcome to my brain!
"It's very important that while I have assignments to do I stay very close to my laptop, just in case I'm struck by temporary brilliance... or lightning. Either way, this essay will be done, or I'll have a pretty good excuse for not doing it..."
"I really hate how many fat people are on weight-loss shows! Making me hungry, they are!"
"I wanna rename my apartment Mordor, to see what interesting ways people will use to avoid simply walking into it!"
"I would love to go about for a day asking twilight fans who Bram Stoker is...then punch them in their stupid head!"
"Sometimes I wish I could be you for a day! ...so I could hang out with myself...because I'm wonderful!"
"Brock had ten little brothers and sisters, a deadbeat father and no mother...and he left them all to go galavanting across the world with two freakin kids??? What a bastard!"
"I wrote a song about quants. It goes like this... *smashes guitar on ground and walks away*"
"just did the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs...that's right ladies! Please form an orderly queue!"
"If you're posting about the X Factor, the only people that are going to give a shit are the people who are also watching the X Factor...and they've already seen what has happened, so they don't need you to tell them!"
"I don't really care too much about the presidential election considering the extremely slim odds of any of the candidates being Batman..."
"went to woodies looking for a specific type of paint, they didn't have it. I said to the girl "I find your lack of paint disturbing", she INSISTED on hi-fiving me! I think i'm in love!!!"
"I wonder if the Batpole actually washes Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson when they slide down to the Batcave... Like, it DOES strip them and then re-clothe them while on a pole...why not???"
"just had a terrifying thought...Carnivorous Giraffes!!!"
"Watching Green Street has made me realise a few things:
1. Never go to England.
2. Never go to a football match.
3. Never use cockney rhyming slang because it's stupid.
4. Don't watch any movie with Elijah Wood unless it's based in Middle-Earth, EVER!
5. Never go to England."
"I swear, if my t-shirt doesn't get at least three compliments from complete strangers today, i'm staying in bed tomorrow!"
"I need three able-bodied men to help me make a fort out of the furniture in my apartment!"
"Me explaining 'Terra Nova' to the guy on the bus who saw me watching it on my phone: "It's like a cross between 'Lost' and 'Jurassic Park'". Guy: "Well which is it MOST like?". Me: "... ... ...Avatar""
"It's sad to think that these days, if you ask a ten year old who the Caped Crusader is, they probably won't be able to tell you..."
"If you buy the Bluray Star Wars Saga, I will punch you in the face! Not even joking. Right in the face. Anyone."
"I honestly think the riots could have been easily avoided by releasing all the dangerous animals from the nearby zoos and let them roam the streets freely. Next day headline: 'Puma mauls looter stealing trainers from sports store - "Ironic justice...lol" says PM'"
"Green Lantern...reminded me of Saw! Not the Green Lantern movie itself, just the feeling of being tortured mercilessly in a dark room."
"I'm worried that playing Dance Central is making me a worse dancer by convincing me I'm improving..."
"made a few mistakes last night...they come in pitchers now!"
"why are the mechanics always surprised that Xzibit keeps bringing them shite cars??? THAT'S HIS JOB!!!"
"back to reality...or to my warped view of reality where I have superpowers but nobody knows because one of them is super-disguise!"
"People need to high-five more! The world would be a much happier place if everyone was just high-fiving all the time!"
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