Essay Writing: The opposite of bacon!

This is my little study on the different emotional stages students go through when they have assignments or essays to do. This is sort of a follow-up to my last post about procrastination, and I thought there could be some sort of interesting or ridiculous(more likely) reactions to this process.

This post has been written as I write the essay, so I didn't leave out any of the soul-crushing feelings that accompany attempting to write intelligently about something one knows little to nothing about.

Let's begin!

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0/800 words
Let's get started. I've already covered the procrastinatory nature of what I've done since finding out about this essay, so let's dive right in! GO!

Procrastination (Watch Inception before reading)

Procrastination is a great word. I'd like to think that the 'pro' in procrastination is there because everyone is unbelievably skilled at it. I know I am. Hell, I should be writing an essay on Bach or something right now. That's really what this blog is. An outlet for my inability to type anything that requires any effort at all. Not that I don't put any effort into writing this blog. I'm awake...that's something!

You take one sneaky nap...

It's funny how people always want to tell you they're proctastinating on Facebook or Twitter...or with smoke signals. A true procrastinator would learn smoke signalling to tell you they're procrastinating, while they're procrastinating, so they could procrastinate, while procrastinating during procrastination!

Z to tha X
Xzibit has a serious alphabet deficiency!

Hey You!!! Stop That!!!

Recently I received a complaint about the content of my blog. A woman, whose name I will not mention for fear she tracks me down and tries to convert me, was offended by the content of two of my posts. Two of only five posts I had published to date. I thought to myself, "Wow...am I really offending people with my nonsensical rambling?". Then I visited her blog to see what kind of things she thought were appropriate for the internet. Then I thought "Hey...wtf is this?! Oh no you didn't!!!".

To put it in context, this is the original message she sent me:


Subject: Remove

"Dear Blogger,

I must inform you that several aspects of your blog is very offensive to me, as it must be to other readers as well. You are making a mockery of the teachings of Our Lord And Saviour Jesus Christ, and I must ask that you remove your post concerning the sacred celebration of the birth of our Lord. You used an image of Christ that has been altered into a blasphemous image of Christ as a pirate, and implied that he may have been a pirate. It does not matter what the Holy Bible does NOT say, the importance lies within what IS written, and it is by those writings which I choose to live my life.Your blog has appeared for some reason in a search for catholic blogs that I was making, and I am sure that I am not the only complaint you have recieved. I have no idea why this trash has come up under religious writings, but out of respect for other peoples religious beliefs, you must remove your post.I also am grossly offended at the image used of infants drinking alcoholic drinks, and you should also remove it. I have children that use the internet, and I would hate for them to be exposed to your sense of 'humor'.

Please seek God."

I went to her blog, and was bombarded with every article published about the catholic church, and passages from the bible and religious imagery...essentially something like what the popes facebook might look like!

...this made me mad!
That someone that has a different belief than me and tells me to remove posts, when that persons blog is full of mad religious stuff...and she expected me to do it??? Oh hell no!

Xmas

The Santa Clause sends such a terrible message to children. If you kill Santa, you become him. It's a bit dark really. Reminds me of Highlander, "There can only be one!". I'd like to see that movie! With Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and other such characters killing each other to absorb their powers until there is only one all-powerful entity remaining. I'm betting on Superman, but I'm a little bit biased as he's the only one I believe in.

<insert sexist comment here>

I was going to go off on a whole rant about the connection between Christmas and Xmas, and where Christ became X, but then I decided I had better check what the actual connection was, in case I accidentally got it right and ended up being factual...it's boring! So instead I decided to believe that Jesus was captured by pirates, and buried somewhere for safe keeping. The place was marked with an X, and that's what the pirates referred to him as in their own pirate code, to keep it a secret from non-pirates. That's what the crusades were about! Not looking for the Holy Grail, but actually Jesus locked in a treasure chest buried on an island. If I was Jesus, I would have become a pirate and used my walk-on-water powers to plunder shit! It's important to use your talents.

"Avast, my children!"

How I Shall Single-Handedly Save Ireland!

Right...basically, the general consensus is that we're well and truly f*cked. So I've taken it upon myself to suggest a few ideas to make the government some money so we don't get shafted by these clowns.

My first thought was to lower the drinking age...but only for Irish alcohol. Encouraging breweries to up production creating more jobs, while getting all the teenagers money they would spend on ALDI 12euro vodka and such. Although some people would argue that lowering the drinking age is bad for people that young, I suggest that we implement alco-education classes as a junior certificate subject, complete with beer bong and kegstand modules. The final exam? Sure they're gonna go out and get langered anyway after they finish exams, at least it's a bit safer if their teacher is there. Mark up the import tax on Dutch Gold and we're in the money!

Not that low!