How I Shall Single-Handedly Save Ireland!

Right...basically, the general consensus is that we're well and truly f*cked. So I've taken it upon myself to suggest a few ideas to make the government some money so we don't get shafted by these clowns.

My first thought was to lower the drinking age...but only for Irish alcohol. Encouraging breweries to up production creating more jobs, while getting all the teenagers money they would spend on ALDI 12euro vodka and such. Although some people would argue that lowering the drinking age is bad for people that young, I suggest that we implement alco-education classes as a junior certificate subject, complete with beer bong and kegstand modules. The final exam? Sure they're gonna go out and get langered anyway after they finish exams, at least it's a bit safer if their teacher is there. Mark up the import tax on Dutch Gold and we're in the money!

Not that low!

The Game (and the people who play it)

Basically there's this game. A scientific experiment gone horribly wrong escaped from a lab and infected millions worldwide. There is only one cure...death! ...or you could just try not to think about it at all. Let me make this perfectly clear. If you have no idea what I am talking about, exit this page. Do not read any further. Never question what the game is, because if you do...there's only one way out! And I have it on good authority that being a hermit sucks.

The different types of infected are as follows:

The Warrior:
Someone who plays the game to win, but doesn't get all mopey about it. They take the losses as they come, understanding that they are an inevitability, and move on without a fuss. Typically the easiest person to stand in times of play, but unsatisfyingly calm reactions upon loss are disappointing for the most hardcore of Bombers.

The Shuttlecock:
Named as such because like a Shuttlecock, this player tends to go over the top when it comes to losses. Typically shouting profanities at their Bomber, leading to them bombing someone else. This is typically an attention-whore, someone who doesn't see it as an actual goal, but more of an opportunity to make a loud noise to turn some heads. Generally most new players start out as Shuttlecocks, thinking it's the normal reaction to something so simple as a reaction to a word. Shuttlecocks think the game is the coolest thing in the world, and feel the need to be a part of the group in any way they can.

Super crime-fighting in Dublin

It's raining. That may not be such an uncommon thing, especially in Ireland, but it's also 2am and I have to get up early in the morning. The rain isn't so bad for some people, but I have a window in my room that's at a 45 degree angle and, I can only guess from the noise, is facing the exact direction of the oncoming gale-force wind. This is directly above my head, and it's making me very angry! Blog time!

The one thing I can't get over is how bad it would be to be a superhero in this city. This thought stems from me trying to come up with situations where I would be out in that weather for long periods of time, just so I could say to myself, "At least you're not out <Insert activity> in that weather!" The only thing I could think of was crime-fighting. I think that says a lot about me psychologically...I am nine years old!

 I mean, it wouldn't be so bad for some heroes, like Batman. Like water off a duck's back...if the duck was wearing a rubber suit with nipples. But poor Spidey! I mean, he's in his PJ's for gods sake, and has no superpower capable of drying himself off! Although, Spiderman wouldn't be too effective in Dublin, seeing as the only remotely tall structure we have here is a big silvery toothpick sticking out of the ground! Plus, I don't think Peter Parker would be making too much money selling pictures of Spiderman hanging off Central Bank to Metro-Herald! He'd have to do horoscopes too! Batman I wouldn't envy either! I don't care how many defensive gadgets you have on the batmobile, if you leave it in a couple of key areas of the city, you'll be buying your tyres back on eBay and walking home!

In the end, I really don't see the need for us to have a superhero deployed locally. Crime isn't really high enough to necessitate one. Imagine if Dublin was Superman's responsibility! He would catch bad guys for about eleven seconds, and call it a day! Well, I tell you, my taxes aren't going to any layabout superheroes that sit on their ass all day doing nothing!

I can do that without superpowers!!!